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When to ask for date online dating
I was having brunch with some girlfriends the other day, and we got on the subject of first dates. It’s a generic question that breeds generic answers, and doesn’t really give you additional insight into who I am.
While we all had different experiences, there was one thing we all agreed on: There are a few questions we are absolutely of hearing from guys on a first date. Asking me what I “do for fun” kind of makes me feel like I’m on an interview, not a date.
Should I say, “Well, I don’t hook up right away, so most guys get bored with me, and that’s why I’m single!
” Or should I say, “I get really clingy around month three and it scares guys off, so here I am, solo!
” The world already gives single girls the side-eye; there really is no need to bring up singledom on dates.
You’re so pretty, I’m surprised someone hasn’t taken you off the market!
(aka, “Why are you single: The Remix)This is one of those backhanded compliments that really has no response. As a Plus-Size Princess, I often wonder if the guys asking me out have dated big girls before (not that it matters, but I do wonder), and I’ve learned that the answer is rarely helpful.
When men say this to me, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me — especially because 99% of the men who use corny lines like this will not make any moves to take me off the market. If his last three girlfriends looked like Jennifer Lopez, I may feel insecure, but if his last three girlfriends looked like Rebel Wilson, I might wonder if he’s a chubby chaser.On the flip side, when a guy asks me what kind of guys I like, I might feel uncomfortable, especially if he doesn’t fit my normal boyfriend mold.I don’t want to have to tell Kevin Hart that my last three boyfriends were NBA players. In the end, knowing a person’s “type” really doesn’t matter as long as they’re attracted to you. This question is a little different from “what kind of guys/girls do you like?” As a plus-size woman of color, I hear this question in two scenarios.Either the guy is trying to see if I’m cool with him not being black, or the guy is trying to see if I’m cool with him being skinny.For me, the answer is always the same: “I like all types of guys.” I mean, if I’m on a date with you, it’s because I’m open to dating you, no matter what you look like. So, are you trying to make me to cry on our first date?This is information you’ll get eventually, but maybe we can keep it light and positive on the first few dates, please? Seriously, why does a man need to know if I live alone?In my opinion, this question just shows that he’s calculating how soon we’ll be hooking up, which is just tacky.If you’re someone who has trouble making small talk on dates, one of my tricks is to start with current things, and go from there.Meaning: Instead of asking “What do you do for fun? ” and from there, I’ll get to learn what the person enjoys doing in their free time.Instead of being in the moment and asking about things based on the person we’re with, people come with these dating interview questions that they use on everyone they’ve ever met, and expect sparks to fly with generic inquisitions. I call these annoying dating questions, but they might just be lazy dating questions.