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The first question that comes to mind when a spouse cheats is: Why?

Regardless of the reason, there's one thing that's certain: infidelity is devastating. "In many cases, it forces issues to the surface of a relationship that would have never otherwise been dealt with," says Kevin Hansen, author of RELATED: 10 Surprising Traits Men Who Cheat Have in Common "From the day I married my husband, I knew it was a mistake," says 50-year-old Elizabeth Smith.* "He was abusive, controlling and expected me to quit my job to make a home for him." A little over a year into the marriage, she began having an affair with a man that she worked with.

"I had no illusions that I was in love, but it was eye-opening to be with someone that made me feel good about myself, made me laugh and respected me for who I was—not who he wanted me to be," she says.

"The affair helped me find myself and proved to me that I could live a life independent of my husband. Twenty-five years later, I'm married to a wonderful man.

We love making each other happy, and never try to change who the other person is," she says.

What You Can Learn: While the confidence gained from the affair may have given her the spark she needed to get out of a bad relationship, New York City psychologist Michael E.

Silverman, Ph D, says if you're in an abusive relationship, deception isn't the best way to deal with it.

Get help first from a trusted friend, family member, therapist or one of the numerous nationwide resources instead.

When Vanessa Myers*, 28, married her husband six years ago, they both couldn't wait to have children, but after their wedding day something changed for her.

"I started to really love my job, and kids didn't seem to fit into the picture," she says.

Her husband was hurt by her change of heart, and began to resent her.

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