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Internet dating opening line
It’s the formula to taking your online dating message game to a previously unimagined level. Or the conversation peters out after a few exchanges. And unless you’re an Adonis who runs a puppy rescue shelter, we’re all frustrated. It’s shallow, an incredible time suck, and it’s not delivering on its promise: algorithm-assisted matches that make dating efficient. I want to be up front: this isn’t about crafting the perfect profile.Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? You’re on the apps, you’re grinding, and every so often you get a match. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. This is about what happens you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever. This article is about the most important skill you can master in online dating that no one’s talking about: the message.
A quick google search reveals a bias in the online-dating advice industry: it’s all about pictures, bios, and listicles of “the 10 unwritten rules of online dating.” This stuff is important. You need a fire profile and to understand the etiquette.
But here’s the thing: this advice is easy to give because it’s easy to implement.
You can pay a professional profile pic photographer for better images.
You can get your female friends to help you with your bio. If you’re devoting more than 50% of your bandwidth to picture selection and bio tweaking, you’re mis-allocating your resources. Messaging is the job interview a screening combined. Quality opening messages are important because you need to a) get them to respond, and b) dive deep enough into the conversation right away so you can emotionally connect before one of you drops the conversation. D.: There’s always more swipes to swipe, more matches to match, more options to gather.
What money can’t buy: the tool kit to write solid messages, get quality conversations going, and get dates. This is the most challenging aspect of the entire messaging game. You simply don’t have the time to start the conversation at “hello.” You need to dive right into the second act so you can decide whether to ask them out before they disappear.
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The second act is getting to the kind of fun, playful exchange that allows you to share some kind of emotional connection with the other person.
It could be as simple as a shared passion, but that spark is what’s going to get you face-to-face with someone.
Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.
And remember: you’re not just trying to time to meet up. Are they genuinely into you, or just responding to the attention? It’s also important not to misrepresent yourself for if (and when) you meet up with someone.
Getting past the pleasantries and straight into a real exchange is the best way to figure out if they’re interested and you should be interested. As Jack Donaghy once told Liz Lemon: Be open, confident, and positive.