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(CNN) -- You have to think about picking up girls the exact same way you think about picking up a box. It thinks, analyzes and makes excuses, so rejection is self-inflicted before women even get a chance to do it.

But after that, something interesting happens: A man's face shifts according to how he makes a woman feel.

A hot man can become hideous, and an average-looking man can become the sexiest guy in the room.

What women are really attracted to has nothing to do with appearance. A man who is calm, cool, collected, comfortable and confident will trump an Abercrombie model every time. Not sure who started this rumor, but they must be shot immediately.

Women do not sit around with their girlfriends and say "Oh, Marni, I can't wait to meet a lazy, unreliable jerk who treats me poorly and feeds on my insecurities." Women like nice guys, not wimps, pushovers or pleasers; nice guys with a backbone and strong sense of self.

There's no "right" line, but there's a right way to say it.

If I had four men approach me using the same, tried-and-tested pickup line, do you think I would be attracted to all four of them? I can tell you that if the right man with the right character came up to me and said "banana, banana, banana," I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and instantly feel attraction for him. Women want to be approached, as long as it's by the right person.

If you see a girl you like, stop, breathe and think to yourself, "She's adorable.

I want to talk to her and see if I like her." Notice the "I want" and the spirit of figuring out what you like.

Until you get to know this girl, it's about you, not her. So stop putting women you know nothing about on pedestals.

Yes, they're hot, yes other men may want them, but that does not mean that all self-respect gets thrown out the door. So use these lessons as the first step to eliminating the anxiety that "thing" produces.

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