XXX Chats

I belong to a women’s facebook group which has gravitated to discussions centered on the mysteries of dating and the question of whether or not a relationship has come to an end, and, if it’s ended, why.I’m intrigued by the scenarios women share, remembering vividly trying to parse out nuances and meanings of the various behaviors my girlfriends and I encountered as we searched for “Mr. After years of successes and failures, here it is: Men Demystified.

So the fact that he asked us out on a date doesn’t necessarily mean he was putting his hat in the ring to be “the one” his interests can represent any number of things.

One of the key lessons I learned from my dating days was that I should be more focused on whether the man suits me, than whether I suit him.

Once I realized I had a say, and I wasn’t there see if I made his cut, I found myself empowered.

I created a list of things that were important to me to use a guide.

The list helped me clarify my values and sort out guys and situations that were less than optimal right from the start.

What I learned from all of this is that while we are busy trying to break some sort of code, guys are deceptively direct and simple, and there is one sure way to break the code. But before we get into that, here are some of the questions I see over and over again.

The first question goes something like this: “I met this really great guy, we had a wonderful time together, we’ve really hit it off, but…:” I haven’t heard from him since; We’ve gone out a couple of times but now he’s not returning my calls or texts; He says he can’t commit; He says my expectations are too high; He hasn’t introduced you to his family or friends; and/or He seems to call or stop by at the last minute or late in the evening. He seems/ed perfect for me.” Seeing it spelled out in this way makes his intentions very clear, and yet little details muddy the water, like the fact that he has repeatedly told/tells you that you are wonderful, maybe something like “this could really work out,”and maybe he even loves you or could and when you are together, it is (or was) amazing. He has everything you ever looked for in a guy, handsome, good job, charming…on paper he seems perfect and yet…in spite of all the magic and love talk things aren’t going in the direction you’d hoped, and you still question whether there is something to pursue.

We women often think this is where we can talk things out.

At the heart is the question: Is there potential for this situation, and/or are you “together” or not?

I counter with my question: Is this the behavior of someone who is in love or moving toward being committed to you or is forming a deeper relationship?

Comments Dating midlife men