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Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock over the past 24 hours (or you’re just not really into Twitter beef), you probably heard about the spat between Amber Rose and Khloe Kardashian.

I have no interest in sitting here and saying that your heart palpitations for an older guy you might be dating aren’t real. But when we’re talking about a relationship between a teenager and an adult who is significantly older–yeah, not just some 16-year-old dating an 18-year-old–there is often something weirdly fraudulent about it.Hear me out: When you’re a teen girl dating an adult, what does your relationship look like? Are you showing off your new boyfriend to your friends? Are you kind of sort of gushing about how great they are to your nosy mom?Are you inviting them to that school dance that you know is going to be super lame but you’ll go anyway just to people watch and laugh?Are you two taking stupid selfies together and posting them on Instagram with too many Emojis attached? There’s nothing wrong with unconventional romances within reason, but this is a little different.More often than not these relationships are secretive and denied when convenient.Well, let’s be real: If you’re underage in your state and you’re having sex with somebody who is of age and y’all are caught, what are the chances of you two owning up to being in a sexual relationship?Slim to none because, uh, this dude you’re hooking up with has zero interest in going to jail for statutory rape and having the label of “sexual predator” on his record for the rest of his life.A relationship that is fraught with dubious legality and secrecy might sound dope and it might very well be fun, but you might find yourself missing out on some of the more normal aspects of a relationship that isn’t problematic.Also, as annoying and irritating as this question is, it holds some legitimate weight: Why is a dude in grad school interested in dating a teenage girl?This isn’t denying the awesomeness of teenage girls, but rather fairly questioning the motivation involved.If you’ll agree that there is a power dynamic involved in interactions between adults and teenagers, why would that go out the window in a romantic relationship, especially when we bring in the gender component (older man, younger woman)? Also, while an older guy might seem way more on your maturity level than the bros in your English class who only wear gym shorts, is this older guy necessarily on the same maturity level of other women their age?

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