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Dating a people pleaser
Tags: adults of narcissistic parents, Boundaries, daughters of narcissistic mothers, emotional abuse, empowerment, how to say NO to people, how to set personal boundaries, mental abuse, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, self-esteem, self-help, stop being manipulated, toxic people There are many of us who asked to be loved by a parent who either refused to love us, or was incapable of loving us.
This can carry over into adulthood as a disorder called codependence.
People who have codependent tendencies also have People Pleaser Syndrome.
People that truly care about you will not constantly cross your boundaries.
When people insist on crossing your reasonable boundaries, then it is time to tell them “No” …even if they act upset or disappointed with you.
Sometimes people will be upset with when you tell them “No”. People will be upset with you when you refuse to allow them to have their way.
If they are used to being able to manipulate you by provoking an emotional response, then they will try to resist your new stand about your boundaries. If there are no reasons for them to counter and guilt you about then they have no material to work with.
You want to stay away from a debate with them because they are used to finding your buttons and knowing how to guilt an shame you. Pay attention to the ones that respect your boundaries and the people who are loving towards you.
Do not confuse someone telling you that they care about you, with people that actually care about you. There are manipulative people that will enter into relationships with codependent people.
When this happens the narcissistic person might tell you that they are looking out for your own good.
Just because someone says that they are controlling you for your own good does not make this true. If you are always doing things for them and they complain about having to do one thing for you, then you may want to evaluate how fair the relationship is to you.
Once you practice drawing simple basic boundaries, then you will be able to attract people that respect those boundaries. They should respect the same boundaries with you that they expect you to respect for them.2.
They do not do favors for you that will interfere with things they need to get done.