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As a 56-year-old woman with MS who is on the dating scene, I am now starting my second year as a single woman.I have been making the acquaintance of able-bodied men, and the challenges I’ve faced are pretty much the same as those I experienced as a single able-bodied woman prior to developing MS at age 41.It’s hard enough trying to find the right chemistry, someone who possesses the qualities I need and desire and whose life path runs parallel to my own. Add a set of disabilities to that challenge and the equation seems to balloon to a level of complexity that would leave Einstein scratching his head in utter confusion.
After describing my dating escapades to a friend one day, she asked me: Have you ever considered dating a man with MS? And I felt a bit irritated by the question because she seemed to offer it up as some kind of solution to my man problem, which it is definitely not.
To my mind, meeting a man with MS seemed similar to meeting someone who shares the same interests one might have such as golf or wine-tasting.
But just because you share something in common doesn’t mean you have the chemistry necessary to become a couple.
That said, the notion of sharing a common disease seemed very freeing in a way, too.
I was getting tired of making the MS speech to every man that thought he was interested in me, having to explain the disease and how it affects me, then waiting to be judged worthy dating material.
I wouldn’t have to make that speech to a man with MS.
Nice, but I would still face the same chemistry challenges that exist with any prospective boyfriend.
No, I thought, seeking out a man with MS in particular for romance might be an option, but it isn’t a solution.
My friend’s question also got me thinking about my own preferences, my own prejudices. For example, I’m a diminutive 5’2” and I’ve always avoided dating very tall men. I went out with a man several months ago who is 6’4” partly to test my prejudice and see if I was being ridiculous about it.
I cannot, in all fairness, begrudge any able-bodied man his preferences, including not wanting to get involved with a chronically ill woman. I quickly discovered that I wasn’t; every time he bent down to embrace me he had to fold himself over like a French pastry.