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Buzzfeed there really is a dating site for everyone
Tinder is "stupid and harmful because it only makes romantic human connection harder." It is also "a factory and you shouldn't pretend it's even vaguely romantic." And let's not forget that "the adult consequence of living with one’s decisions doesn’t really exist when the next best thing is only a swipe away."Most of the discussion around Tinder has focused on its core demographic: twentysomethings, gay and straight, in urban areas (New York and Los Angeles, where I live, are its two biggest markets), who seem to use Tinder to hook up, boost or masochistically deflate their ego, and/or issue sweeping, usually disparaging pronouncements about everyone they've ever encountered on it.
But I've now come to realize that even though all of the press around Tinder focuses on its popularity with twentysomethings, it's actually the perfect app for someone in their thirties, or older, to find love.
As people age, they naturally grow less inclined to seek out relationships that are more casual. After you turn 33 or so, staying out past 10 on a school night becomes much more rare.) Also, as we age, the pool of eligible people shrinks, and with it so do the number of opportunities to meet people in the ways people met people in their twenties (well, before Tinder existed): through friends, at parties, at bars, at work, in grad school, wherever.
Tinder doesn't get rid of those steps, and it's unrealistic to think that it would. Finkel, who recently defended Tinder as "the best option available now" for "open-minded singles ...who would like to marry someday and want to enjoy dating in the meantime." And I think that's especially true if you are in your thirties and you are looking for a relationship, and you see dating as a means to that end.There are, of course, exceptions to every single rule, but I found that the people on Tinder in their thirties were, generally, more receptive to the idea of being in a relationship than you would expect. I spent most of my twenties in a series of relatively short-lived monogamous relationships.I didn't "date," per se; I ended up with boyfriends who clearly weren't right for me, but I was so comfortable with companionship that I didn't mind.And this was the early aughts, in the early days of online dating: I was briefly on Nerve, and went on a few dates, but it felt unnatural and weird, and I didn't know anyone else doing it.Or if they did, they were keeping it a secret, like me.So my boyfriends were guys I met in grad school, or at work, or through friends, or, once, at the optician.(He fixed my glasses.) It wasn't until the last couple of years, when I was already well into my thirties, that I began to date date, and I quickly learned that the only people who truly like dating — and by dating I mean the numbing dance of texting, and not hearing back, and then finally hearing back, and then making plans, and changing plans, and finally meeting and deciding within 30 seconds that this is not your Person, and then doing it all over again — are generally either sociopaths or masochists.So I do want to be clear that the mostly bad things people say about Tinder were also mostly true (and bad) for me for the year or so that I was on and off it.I got the addictive rush when I matched with someone, and another one when a match would text me, and another when we would make plans.I felt a momentary dejection when someone I was convinced was a match, based on his photos and the briefest of descriptions, didn't match with me. I Tindered on work trips and vacation, meeting up a couple times with people in New York — just to see, I told myself — and became fascinated with the differences among the photos of guys in Norway (lots of skiing), Boston (lots of Red Sox caps), and Israel (lots of shirtless pics).